A Christmas Gift for Andrew

Christmas is indeed time for giving. As the saying goes “It is better to give than to receive”. together with my colleagues in the student publication, last December 13 we had an outreach program in one of the orphanages here in Negros Oriental. We made the children smile by simply treating them like our own sons and daughters. This is actually my second time to be in the orphanage sharing things during Christmas.

In a half day activity I was able to care a child in my own hands. the child in the picture is baby Andrew. He is three year old; a child who is shy yet has an active mind. Considering the fact that he has heart failure and cannot talk, I’m really touched that every time I talk to him, he smiles and hugs me then.

Though I didn’t hear a single word from him, I know that his smiles and embraces meant something. I dance with Andrew, wiped dirty stuffs in his face, and I spoon feed him where he ate three hotdogs (obvious that it’s his favorite).

However I also thank Justine who was my partner for taking care with baby Andrew. As our personal gift, we gave Andrew clothes. The blue one he wore in the picture. With the gift we gave him, I know that he was a little envious with gifts received by other kids there, since most of the gifts were toys and I know kids love toys. I’m a little bit conscious with the gift we gave to him.Sigh.

I just can’t imagine that there are parents that could simply leave their child in an orphanage easily. With the case of baby Andrew he really needs care from a parent since he is sickly one. I then realized and thankful that I don’t have parents like those.

Unknowingly, the sun goes down and we have to leave the orphanage with goodbyes. “Adto na me Andrew!” I said to him. Immediately he tightly hugged me. My heart was like crumpled by forceful hand the time he hugged me .If only I could bring him home. Well I just hope that if ever someone will adopt Andrew, they could give a better future and answer the needs of him.

In some ways we really have to share things and show our love to other people. As possible we should do it everyday, not only in special days like Christmas. We should also do it not only for a merit in ourselves instead for God. Remember, God loves a cheerful giver.

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Death is really the thing and juncture that I’m afraid of. The thing that I should say you can’t stop and even change. It is really on a big “why” why we also get old and die. Why we can’t be just in the age we want? Sometimes I’m in the theory that everyone’s purpose in life is to die. Moreover thinking these things will sometimes make you fool since whatever swapping of situations you’ll do still death is there.

Well I don’t have any sickness that you think could be the reason why I’m tackling these things. Even now, my mind is like a new born baby that could ask billions of questions, that is why death thingy is still questionable for me. I want to live without limit of time and everyone might want that also. I really hate the fact that there is death. Well if only I could make my own world.
Death could be peaceful, bloody and of course mysterious. And if ever I’ll die today or tomorrow I’ll chose death that is peaceful since it is a kind of death that I think fine so far in line with this matter. Well to die isn’t fine huh? And I don’t have any key also to choose cases on how am I going to die. This is just a matter of putting oneself to do and fix things everyday that scares you.

It is also bad that the people who are close to you died without saying all the things they want to utter and of course, we might the one wasn’t able to say so. Sigh… I’m getting far.

Maybe living life to the fullest is the best move while young and alive. Sometimes I want to do things that will make me happy but I’m worrying since I love to do things that are bad. I mean bad things at some point will make you satisfied (hahaha). It’s really hard to do good things right? But to make things sure you really have to do it so that you’ll go to heaven or the opposite way.

I may sound preachy but that’s what I see and conclude with these things. I don’t know still, why we really have to die. Why we can’t just live and enjoy life without pointing the good and bad. I’m hoping that there is no heaven and hell since it is the reason why we are worrying things.

But as a whole we can’t really deny the fact that life is always connected to death. And it’s constant.

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Ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo ay may katanungan, na sa tingin ko ay masasagot lamang ng isang? Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung ang makakasagot sa tanong ko ay isang tao, bagay o hayop. Hindi ko rin alam kung masasagot mo ako ngayon, bukas, susunod na araw, taon, dekada o siglo. Pero mas mabuti ng huwag ka ng sumagot (Joke lng…) Hindi ko rin alam kung tama ba o mali para maniwala ako sa sasagutin mo.Hindi ko rin alam kung yun na nga ba ang tamang sagot sa mga tanong ko? hindi ko rin alam kong ikaw ba at ako ang nag-uusap. Ang alam ko lang na ako at ikaw ay magkaiba. Ikaw ay ikaw at ako ay ako.

Para malaman mo at ng mga kaibigan mo, na maaring hindi ko naman kaibigan, ang maikling sulat na ito ay puno ng mga katanungan na sa tingin ko ay pilit mong sasagutin para sa akin, sayo at sa ating lahat nlg ,para masaya. Sana lng ay masagot mo ng one subject and one predicate lang. at Para mas makaintindi akong mabuti sagutin mo nlg ng isang salita( peace… ayoko kong mag-away tayo)… Sagutin mo nlg kahit one milyon words lng para naman hindi ka mahirapan. Pero kung gusto mo talagang makatulong sa akin di tulungan mo ko syempre! Kung tamad kang magbasa nito ngayon… di basahin mo nlg ngayon para tapos na. Konti lng naman ang mga katanungan ko.

Actually assignment to binigay ng lola ko sagutin ko daw para sa lolo ko kasi binigay ng nanay ko sa kanya kaya naman pinapasagot ni tatay sa akin(joke dinamay ko lng sila para kumpleto ang larong bahay-bahayan). Well sa totoo lng, ako lng mag-isa ang nakaisip nito hindi na ako nangdamay baka magalit sa akin ang maykapal.

Ok para masagot mo na ang mga tanong ko, at para maunawaan mo lahat ng itatanong ko kumuha ka na ng ballpen at lapis di kaya tape recorder para masagot mo talaga ng maayos. Kaibigan tara usap tayo… konti lng naman ehhh kung kasing bilis mo ang pagtakbo Ni Lidia de Vega(kung hindi mo to kilalala research nlg sa net.) mabilis mo rin tong matatapos.

Bakit ba may luha na lumalabas sa ating mga mata kung tayoy nasasaktan at umiiyak? Bakit ba ngumingiti o kaya humahalakhak kapag tayo ay masaya? Bakit ba may pangit? Sana puro nlg maganda ang nakikita natin(para artista tayo lahat walang audience). Bakit ba may mahirap? Bakit hindi nlg mayaman lahat? Bakit ba may masama at mabuting bagay? Bakit may babae at lalaki?

Kamusta naman ang bakla at tomboy? Bakit ba may bata at matanda? Bakit ba may bobo at matalino? Bakit may malamig at mainit? Bakit may malaki at maliit? Bakit may mabango at mabaho? Bakit ung iba may nunal iba wala? Bakit may abnormal tsaka normal? Bakit may maputi at maitim? Bakit may payat at mataba? Bakit may buhay at patay? Bakit may prostitutes at call boys? Bakit ba may nanay at tatay? Pati narin kapatid? Bakit may langit at impyerno? Bakit may tubig at lupa? Bakit may maliwanag at madilim? Bakit may mabilis at mabagal? Bakit may masarap at masakit? Bakit matigas at malambot? Bakit may matangkad at pandak? Bakit may malinis at marumi? Bakit may masipag at tamad?

Bakit may magaling at di marunong? Bakit may tuwid at kulot? Bakit may bulaklak at dahon? Bakit may busog at gutom? Bakit may matamis at mapaet? Bakit may tahimik at maingay? Bakit may asukal at asin? Bakit may makapal at manipis? Bakit my peke at totoo? Bakit may nangloloko at naloloko? Bakit may tanong at sagot? Bakit may lapis at ballpen? Bakit my bungi at may ipin? Bakit bulag,pipi at bingi? Bakit may kamay at paa? Bakit may matagal at madali? Bakit gusto ko nag magmadali? Kasi tamad nako? Gusto ko nang mtapos to bakit? Kasi ayokong magalit ka sakin? Bakit? Kasi ayokong mag-away sa walang kwentang sulat na to? Bakit wala tong kwenta? Kasi gusto ko lng try magsulat nag walang kwentang sulat, bakit? Kasi gusto ko.haaaaay….

\haayy, masarap pa la ang feeling ng hindi ka nag-iisip. Alang magawa at gusting may gawin kaya ito ang aking ginawea dahil ala naman akong magawa. Sige poh Ingat.( biogesic alang hapdi sa tiyan.

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Ang Buhay Ko Noong Kami Pa...

As an old clichĂ© goes, experience is the best teacher. But does it really helped in every aspect in life especially in wise decision-making? In my case, I should say that one doesn’t have to be a veteran in a specific field just to rationalize everything.

I am not an expert in this so-called thing where everybody goes extreme and sometimes became crazy and blind-- this aspect we call love. Yes, in my 18 years of existence in this world, I’ve never been in love—but not until someone came in an unexpected moment. Studying in this university, I never thought that my heart would beat for a classmate and at the same time, a close friend.
I just found myself one night, engrossed with her thoughts. I can’t even sleep because all kinds of doubts and worries jumble in my mind. I know I really felt something for her ever since but I can’t bear to destroy our friendship if ever I would have the courage to tell her what I really feel. I’m also thinking that she might just laugh at me because I might sound so awkward. I never tried courting anybody before and I really do not know how it feels to be busted or to hear a sweet ‘yes’. Nevertheless, my fervor love victoriously ruled over me and I decided to tell her everything whatever the consequences maybe.

It was September 14, 2007 when I surprised the world with my courage and conquest. Our department had a victory party after the successful show we had in school. I really could not explain the way I feel that night because my heart was beating faster, my whole body was trembling and I was really nervous because I don’t know what to expect. But I was determined that I would not end this night without saying a word to her.

My classmates decided to have an over night in school during that time and I did not hesitate to join them because I was hoping that we could talk. I went to my apartment and fix myself, spray some sweet scents and made sure that I looked good. When I went back to school, I did not see her and I worried that she might not stay overnight. But all the worries I felt were suddenly replaced by delight when I heard her voice outside the office. When she entered the office, I did not have a second thought to hold her hand and asked her if we could talk. She was shocked and confused for a moment but she gave a nod.

We talked at the bleachers outside the office. The whole time I was saying my words, I was really shaking. Our conversation went smoothly and I couldn’t believe that I said everything I kept inside. All the more, I was also startled to know that all this time, we share the same feelings. She told me that she also liked me and she appreciated everything I’ve done for her. That was the happiest day of my life—I won over my shyness and I won her heart.
Even if sometimes our relationship is being put to a test, and we almost gave up, I really learned so many things. I learned that being a greenhorn or an inexperienced in this field, is never an excuse to fight for what you believe is right. After months of exchanging sweet nothings and senseless fights, we call-off our relationship. But we still managed to make it up and acknowledged each other’s weaknesses and strength.

We will be celebrating our fifth monthsary this Feb.14 and believe it or not, this would be my very first valentine date to the very first woman who made my heart beat. Again, I don’t know what to do yet but I would make it the best day for the two of us.

This is actually my first university diary which was published in our student publication last year during the valentine edition. Unfortunately this tale also finished and ended a year now. A part of my past that I somewhat treasured though I got bruises in my heart. Though we had a short time together, I’m still thankful that she somehow showed her care and loved me for who I am.

Then, I just posted this kasi alang magawa. Naisip ko lng ang OA2x pala ng pag-ibig. Pero ok lang naman ang maging OA habang bata pa, kasi sa huli pag matanda ka na, wala kang moments na pweding mong isipin at pagtawanan. At tsaka sa babaeng minsang minahal ako at sinaktan ng todo salamt pa rin sa experience. hehehe

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Black hair with bangs cut straight across the forehead, wearing heavy slacks, often too tight and short with clunky black shoes – one look at this group of people then you will know what group is this. YES! They were the so called “EMO”.

As of now when you walk along the road you will see different kind of groups. Like hip-hop, punk, fashionista, kikay’s and different group of people with dissimilar style of clothing and personalities. I came up with the idea to know some of this group of people. Because of my curiosity and since my teacher assigned me to look for an interesting topic.

I interviewed some of the so called group “EMO” to know some of the things that maybe ask by many addressed to them. I chose these group because they can be easily identify by their strange yet cute outfits.

According to the EMO’s, EMO is short call for Emotional. This is a type of subculture loosely rooted around in its own distinct style. It can be EMO in music, fashion, family and EMO to the society. In terms of the physical appearance, some defined EMO as a fashion trend only.

How does the EMO look?

EMO clothing is typically black and is mixed with smaller amounts of stunningly bright colors. While EMO hair is mostly black but some put highlights color on it. Hair is mostly favor one eyed hair cuts because some believes that hairstyle will look as lack of self esteem, On the other hand male EMO will easily identified in such a way that they mostly wear tight pants with white or silver belt which small t-shirts are common to them. Spiky black shoes and thick black eye glasses can be seen also. In addition eyeliner and piercing are also common but not necessary.

What’s with the EMO?

EMO are recognized covering themselves with their own bangs where some says that it simply means that they are broken and they are lack of self –esteem. Commonly in the internet, you will see that EMO take pictures ridiculously out of the ordinary photographic angles. They enjoy taking pictures that is one side of their face showing that as if they are ashamed on what they are. Just because of their hair cut, people believe that EMO has one eye.

In an article worked by Oscar Wilde who was an Irish playwright, novelist, poet, and author of short stories, EMO themselves may not be entirely sure of their sex. Many of the EMO called and expressed this by saying they are bisexual. In contrast to popular belief and sources, that is not mean that it is just a fashion trend but they cannot just decide weather they are male or female.

According to Ivan Homer Viason a second year Bachelor of Science in Hospitality Management (BSHM) of NORSU who styles himself as an EMO, he agreed that some of the EMO are bisexual in such a way that they are comfortable to express and share the things with the same sex. He also added that you can also observe it in the internet where their pictures are kissing with same sex.

In contrast, Jay Mark B. Timtim a third year EMO and Medical Dental Nursing Assistant (MDNA) of NORSU reacted that it depends upon the person if he has an identity problem. He added that there are some EMO that is bisexual but not all. Timtim define EMO that is not only a fashion trend but being true as an individual. He is emotional in terms of music, love life and to her parents. He stressed that he usually wear white as for a hidden EMO.

According to Oscar Wilde it is 100 % true that being EMO commits self-harm, writing poems, depressed and identifying one’s self as bisexual. Whereas Viason said that it is true that EMO’S are committing suicide to the point that they cannot handle anymore the emotions they feel which some says that it is a brain problem because of being emotional. While there are many characteristics of EMO subculture that should first finished to describe them correctly. According to Wilde, EMO are also vegetarians and no one knows why they are like that. EMO also do not follow “sex” lifestyle which also known as “Staight Edge” where they refuse to drink, smoke, eat or have sex (including masturbation).

Well for me EMO are okay to because everyone has its own way of expressing oneself and probably its their best avenue to express for what they are.One more thing,expressing oneself in different ways is a constant thing that may perform by individual, living to certain place. Like the so called EMO they have their own approach and manner on how to express their selves. They have the styles of clothing, gist in their own minds and implication in life. Therefore everyone has the freedom to express each self in its own little way that may describe us an individual. EMO is one of the examples being an individual who has own styles and avenue living in this world.

SOURCES: http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0oGkwMAQeBH3ZUAFdhXNyoA?p=all+about+OSCAR+WILDE+contradictions+about+emo&y=Search&fr=yfp-t-501&ei=UTF-8&fp_ip=PH&rd=r1&meta=vc%3Dph
NORSU students.

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November 1- a special day for most of the Filipinos. Busy for celebrating the All Soul’s Day .Offices were closed, traffic in highways, big and annoying voices from vendors selling candles, smells of malagkit rice cooked in dissimilar kinds, and of course ang di mahulugang karayom na sementeryo sa dami ng tao.

Most of my classmates asked why I didn’t go home. Ang iba naman tinanong ako kung wala ba akong patay na sisindihan sa sementeryo.Bakit nga ba?. Sigh… All Soul’s Day isn’t a special day for me. Of course I have reasons to that and maybe some would say that I’m disrespecting them, as well those souls. Just nothing! If I really have to go home and make some rituals in the cemetery, for whom I’ll do that?.Oo naman meron kaming patay sa pamilya para bisitahin. But I just don’t like.

I mean, ung bibisitahin ko sa sementeryo ay mga bongo at butong inuood na ng mga namatay?... it is still pointless for me. Well I’m not saying that people should do what I’m doing. Besides people can show their means to those souls by praying in their respective houses. Like some, they really go home though it’s far from where they are staying and spending much fare. Well it’s their choice anyway to some that has money. Anyways, I really don’t want to discuss it here and one more thing I don’t want to offend and argue to some. This is just what I view with this thing.

This morning actually and until now I’m receiving texts from my contacts “happy haloween” and “kumusta imu kalagkalag.” Sigh… I feel bored but not stressful. I’m Just facing in the computer while blogging the whole afternoon. Still it isn’t that bad yet.

Actually I’m just waiting to a friend since he invited us to be in their Haloween disco party in their baranggay. But still I’m in a doubt if I’ll go since my officemates especially our EIC (hehehe churi na gud) whose here in the office right now isn’t fun of disco thingy and I guess he is not feeling well. But I hope they will hehehe.(laagan man gud ko).

Well its eve already so maybe this day will just past without something special. Others maybe be hectic but for me, it’s an ordinary day that made me a little annoyed since offices are closed.

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All I Want This Christmas

“All I want this Christmas is to hear them the words that I seek. Maybe if that would happen I’ll be the happiest person who celebrated the Christmas.”

With prideful parents, caring and loving words is unexpected. Parents that prefers to hide feelings rather than expressing it for the betterment. At some point I should say that my parents are acting that way. I’m not into conclusion that they’re bad or complaining that I should have other parents. May be its just so unfair on my part that for how many years, Im always taking actions like saying “I love you and I miss you” to them, and yet replies from those words I uttered wasn’t answered as it should be.

My apology, if I may sound OA with these little senseless sentiments. But I seek those words for how many years which until now its “zero.” Hundreds of questions pierced into my mind why they acting with such approach. They are shy and feel awkward?! But they are my parents and im their son!. If they really shy to say it personally, I have phone! And they have also!?

Sigh… I always end up my text messages putting I love you words many times and years. But replies from them like “ok”, and some time the word “hehe”. I just laugh with it but painful on my part.

I even opened these approaches to my friends already and most of their advice is for me to accept that my parents are like that.

Haaaaay… Do they want me to die first before they speak out those wonderful words to me? Sometimes im longing that I’ll die for hours only, so I’ll see and hear them what they cannot utter to me, but of course, wake up again from the coffin and gladly say to them “those words are wonderful Nay!, Tay! And I waited so long to hear such words.”

But unlike any other parents, they completely provide my needs and they are somehow kind for my expensive wants. I know that they loved me too, in contrast from what I am thinking. But what truly matters for me is expressing love not only by giving stuffs like money and branded clothes every time I asked for it. Well anyways they know me also as an ambitious one, that’s why they’re thinking that giving stuffs that I want is enough.

Another thing, I didn’t hear them saying that they are proud of me. Im thinking that they have a point also because im not that yet to be proud off, since I haven’t done things that could meet their standards yet and what they want me to be. As one very big reason, I can’t make it this March also. huhuhuhu. I have lots of failures that could take them to treat me in cold means.

All I want this Christmas is to hear from them the words that I seek. Maybe if that would happen I’ll be the happiest person who celebrated the Christmas But if they can’t still I’ll wait for the New Year.

I won’t wish to Santa Clause, instead I’ll pray to God.

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They are the kind of group that could make an individual completely happy and a little depressing. They sometimes annoy you by their bullies but they could as well form your mouth close to ears by their jokes. In some ways they stand as brothers and advisers if you’re in the ocean of problems. They correct and criticize your doings, and somehow praise you as a person. Maybe it’s their way of helping one to be a great person.

These people has also different attitude that could make conflicts from each other. Yet so far and so good never came to a point that burning war exist, “cold wars” maybe. Or maybe this is so because my Ate J. really knew how to mix well his sons and daughters. Sigh…

For couple of years, blogging, writing and passing articles is not the only thing I’m doing, if I’m in the office. Ever since bonding to these group is the thing that makes my environment complete. Luckily it is really good to have a group that I have now. I’m just hoping that these people won’t transform quickly to beasts and vampires.

Well, I maybe truthfully not close to some, but it’s still awe-inspiring that they still treat me nicely.


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Breaking up is one of the hardest things to do when you fall in love. Yet sad to say, it really happens. Who do you think will anticipate a hurtful break up if you are in a good, romantic and satisfying relationship? ...No one wants to, right?

Feelings and situations will turn cold, best friends turn to worst enemies, loving quotes change to hurtful words, dreams become impossibilities, chances leads to rejections, memories are converted to nightmares, expectations end up as disappointments and oftentimes, love evolves to hatred.

I always hear my friends saying, “I have to move on, stop fooling myself that I could still have him/her back but how can I get over him/her?” Stand up, do not just get down on your knees. Wipe those falling tears, and do not leave your heart unattended. Instead fix it up.

For a battered and broken heart to get in tacked, here are some of the tips for you to open your mind and in order for you to easily recover. Remember that life is not perfect as well as the person you love. Another thing is that you can never learn to love again if your heart is still broken.

1. Don’t let yourself get drown in the ocean of hatred

Both of you fall out of love and there is a possibility that either you will become friends or enemies. “I’m sorry, maybe were not meant for each other, can we just be friends?” Yes this statement would sound better because both broke up with an option to continue the friendship. Well, it may not be a growing and less effective move; at least you both end up retaining the friendship.

2. Nothing is constant in this world, breaking up is inevitable. Don’t pity yourself.

You must not create a barrier wall between you and your friends. Instead allow them to give their shoulders for you to lean on, because they are willing to help and support you. After all, he is not the only person in this world. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy your life.

3. If there is noting to beg for, then don’t Beg

If possible refrain from the guilt. If you know that there is nothing to beg for, then don’t. Fate will bring you back. Never think that you cannot live without the person you really love. You can do it and bear it in your mind.

4. Don’t entrust your feelings to threat. Don’t be insane and never do commit to foolishness.

“If you leave me, I will kill myself”. If you think threatening your ex will make him/her sorry and if you think that would win her back, then don’t expect too much because it seldom happens. Your foolish action is already a proof that you’re irresponsible and the break up is probably a good idea.

5. What goes around comes around. Don’t try to get back to the person who rejected you.

This is applicable to all MARTYRS all over the world. Words of apologies and goodbyes during break up should be placed on their proper perspectives. No matter how painful the split- up has become, you must not hate him/her or take revenge by humiliating statements for it would be impossible to resurrect friendship.

6. You cannot escape from the problem. Therefore, do not jump to other relationship to cover the pain from the past.

This is applicable to all “mahilig sa panakip butas”. Time heals the wounds. Meaning, you should not hurry to commit yourself to others, if do you know that you are not yet ready and have not still recovered with a certain break- up.

7. Prayer is the most important resolution to all things. Don’t forget to pray.

God is always there to listen, to guide, to give advice and to give blessings on what we are aiming. We should always get ourselves to Him. Let’s keep our hearts open and free from heartaches and worries. God is good all the time, all the time god is good.

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Growth population has always been a concern in one country. Why? Simply because a country is made up of people and precisely, its most important element are people. Are we concerned about the continuous expansion of population? If we are, then in what ways do we show our concern? Do we have solutions laid about this kind of problem? How and when will it be solved?

Yes, without doubt, I agree that population control is definitely the answer to this obvious dilemma we call “Population Growth”. I can’t cite any idea on how this problem would come to an end, except struggling to let everyone know the process and things which involves “birth control education”.

Teenagers have the biggest participation in this kind of issue because teenagers nowadays are innocent, curious, liberated, adventurous, careless and often hot. That is why the youth indulge in premarital sex and early marriage which led to irresponsible teenage pregnancy and add to the effect of population growth.

Therefore, sex education is now commonly developed in different schools, so that youth should be aware and educated about this appalling issue that the society is facing. Youth should also be taught as early as possible because they are the ones who will compose the next generation and will grasp the consequences and hopefully change things in the long run.

But still we can’t deny the fact that it is still depends upon the person if he/she would choose to be a productive person rather than having principle and control in terms of producing human, RIGHT?

In line with this, if we people continue to close our eyes and ears about the fact that there would probably no generation to exist because of the lack of natural resources, then our existence will be close to extinction now, even human race is crowding the universe.

When are we going to move? Can we just sit down and watch the world die out because of famine and poverty? We should start it now because it’s for our own good. I mean, lets be practical. Sometimes we should be selfless enough to save ourselves and think wisely for the benefit of everybody.

I mean the problem of our country today is not only being poor because of the corrupt government but we are also in the state of poverty because of over population.

Birth control doesn’t also mean that we are not giving the fetus the chance to live in this world but simply because we are getting crowded in this planet; it would be justifiable if we follow this dogma: one is enough and two is too much.

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My batch mates will gonna leave me soon. Yet it is
still hard for me not to mind that couple of months from now, they will
leave me. But practicality, they will soon.

They are one of the biggest sources of my self esteem. I don’t know if they’re gone, I can still find companies that will accept me for being imperfect one, maybe my TN family but not the company I used of in a classroom.

Sometimes I draw on myself being alone, practicing without them- since it is
still me who will get upset later.I know that there is no constant in
this world, we have to separate ways in our own lives and I hate it

Yet still every time I close my eyes going to bed, I’m imagining that it’s
me alone who is not wearing toga and posing with happy face with the
rest of the family congratulating each other. Yah, I know that someday
I’ll be in that , but it would be better if I feel that way with them(so that di pud q mag nose bleed mag graduation day ba.)

If only I can make my own voyage…….I mean every time I’m alone I can’t stop pitying myself with this case. Well I also don’t like people worrying that much in me because Im not disable person to treat that way yet.

It’s just that as of this moment, I’m in a condition which frustration and disappointment pushing myself down. Ithink this is really the hardest thing that I’m facing right now.(Haaayy Im not really used to be emotional but I have to let this out)

I’mnot vulnerable but inside I am– Im doing it in the sense that people
knew me being a happy person and it might look awkward to them if I’ll
act what I actually feel. (I hate to be bully in short).

Well,I hope that one of these days God will give me inspiration to put my self up again and make up things.

I hope that after you read this blog you won’t merit pitying NORIEL,

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The word “irresponsible” is maybe the worst remark that was ever thrown to me. The evil part and not ok is that, it was actually come out from my professor. A professor which absence in class is much than being present. He will even fail me just because he assigned something which I failed to do?

I admit, I’m not immediately concurring every time he is having his lectures. But how am I going to share my sides since his lectures are not related to our subject matter. I mean, I’m a type of person which prefers to be silent if uninteresting matters are tackled.

He is not also worthy to throw such word to me. He even late 2 -3 hours in our class. He supposes to act as good example. Or maybe because he can’t take any nasty move to me that is why his blood is boiling every time. Besides, I’m a boy and the rest of my classmates were girls, which is a good point to him. I maybe act judgmental to him but as the saying goes “actions speaks louder than words”.hehehe(manyak talaga cya).

My point is I may be irresponsible but it would be acceptable if the person who thrown such word to me is admirable enough. Yah, I know that he has lots of credentials and affiliations more than I have. But the point is he should act as a highly educated person should be.

I don’t care if he will fail me. Any way I will fail him also when the teacher’s evaluation will come.hahahaha..

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“Wow this is nice, I’ll buy this”……… few words that were used to come out in my mouth before.

Shopping is one of my hobbies, hobby which cost too much and could empty my wallet every week.

Though I only have small allowance still I don’t have the attitude budgeting it which attitude that still affects me every day.

Uncontrollable attitude that I can’t change though it makes me empty day by day. Monday to Wednesday would be the maximum run of my weekly allowance.

After then I’ll ask to someone to lend money especially to my classmates, then paying them the next week Which for sure people that makes “pautang” to me every week is getting annoyed. See, how wise but stupid attitude I have? A kind of attitude that an ambitious student could have.

Moreover,I couldn’t immediately ask extra money to my mom since we have cold treatment with each other as of this time…(Something personal that could make this legend long..hehehe).

Well actually, I really don’t know where and what would be my point in this blog …awwwwwww….hehehehe. It’s just so happen that these days I have to let my luxurious personal things stop for the meantime. Thinking that I have parents that could send exact allowance every week and its me who is making things hard every week because of being ambitious one. I’ll just end this nonsense legend hanging coz two of my officemate will use the PC.

But how could I change my uncontrollable attitude?

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Just this week things didn’t jive for good. Every thing as I observe is getting inferior. Things that is ridiculous or I should say maybe mental problem on me

I may sound funny and OA but that is how I felt about it. The worst thing is that, it was happen continuously just this week. “Forgetful mind” is the right term that I could describe.

It goes this way, last Wednesday I slept the whole morning and woke up late in the afternoon for an exam. After then, I was thinking that I only have one exam that day.

As I passed by somewhere in school, my foreign language classmate asked me that why I didn’t take the exam. I was immediately upset with the information I got since my mind freely fixed that I only have one exam that day where I was thinking that the “nose bleeding” subject will be on Friday.

It made me realize that the said case is passable coz it isn’t that big deal since I just forgot the schedule.

But just this afternoon, I came late to school and lighten up myself in the TN office. In difference, Carla informed me why I didn’t take our major exam. Where it may sound a lame excuse but I didn’t know again that we have an exam. ( I sound stupid and irresponsible person with this case right?). But I don’t know why this is happening.

Well I think everybody knew me being forgetful in some cases like misplacing things (cellphone, ID, wallet, paper works and etc .) But it’s just that I think something wrong and getting worst with my mind????? Or do I have to go to the specialist for further test? Hahahaha…..it’s just that Im scared that the following days I’ll gonna miss things again because of being forgetful.

Well, I hope that reading this blog could not yet conclude that I am ABNORMAL or Psychotic HUH!!??!!..OK?????.... Don’t worry my friends if I will , sultian tamu daon hehhe… bsta ahhhh… I really don’t knw about with this case……

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Meeting deadlines is really my weakness since im a type of a person who will move if lightning won’t hit. Y its really hard for me to work early with the assigned school requirements?..

I can’t remember or maybe numbers isn’t enough to count of if how many times I did this move. I don’t know why im still doing it again and again. Being haggard and having big eye bags is always the result because of doing requirements near the cliff. Because of doing my articles a minute before the deadline even my papers got red inks. Still those kinds of circumstances didn’t fetch me to do things ahead.

What would be the thing that will make me realize to work things ahead? I hope that one of these days something will wake my mind up to run away with this intolerable approach.

This moment of time fresh from staying overnight in school and without closing my eyes even a minute again Im here in internet café doing not that important stuff even if requirements for the next days are falling in lines.

I just hope that my mom wont catch me doing this kind of thing else I’ll gonna go back where I come from.

This blog won’t stay long coz I only have small coins in my pocket….hehehehe…….writing this, make me relax since its just now that I step by step opening my heart and my mind to know myself better while sharing this with you (if who ever is reading this)… it’s just once in a blue moon if I handle things seriously (gusto q naman maging seryoso minsan…kahit minsan lng serious)……. …Dba?/? sO LET ME…………

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