The Beast and My Cat

It’s hard to think that there are people who can’t admit their own mistakes. “Blame it to him”, this is most likely their excuse. Pointing one finger to another is the usual deed. Yes! I know a lot of notions from these folks coz I was one. Self justifying is a good reposition if you are on the right track but too much plea could harm too. Usually I call them “defensiveness of lies” being.

I came up with this thought since it rang my bell when this beast argued with me. The beast who fooled his partner for months (or maybe years) and presently playing as if he’s the injured one. Of course, I did not assume for him to tell me the truth. We don’t expect a liar not to tell a lie, do we? So to cut a long story short, my loving and royal blood cat was wounded since his partner decided to meow with a street cat. Yes you read it right! Namangka sa dalawang ilog. But let me not talk the tale of my cat’s broken life .I can see that my cat right now is looking into the brighter side of the picture so she’ll be fine soon. Instead, let me nub how my cat’s partner made his mistake and fault fall into regrets and lessons.

I was raised well by my mom and grew up with fear in God. So I don’t curse somebody (almost). Let God do the rest then. But as far as I can see it now, the beast he’s crawling like a worm that has illness, starving and gobbling his pride not to ask favor from our clan.. What I have right now is not hatred but empathy. Forgiveness? May be in the future. You can’t blame me this is what I feel. With what the beast has done, I learned how it’s simple to ignore mistake and fault at the same time.

I remembered my professor in philosophy course defined how mistake and fault differed. Mistakes are optional, if we make one, we’re absolutely aware .While fault is only a responsibility of a mistake and it’s only a shortcoming. As I see it, mistake is like a seed and fault is a tree. I mean we can’t grow a tree if we haven’t planted a seed at all.

Human as we are it’s hard not to commit mistakes and that’s undeniable. But committing mistake is a choice so as decisions in life. I’m not saying it’s effortless not to have mistakes but it’s possible to avoid it. Nobody is perfect and everybody knows it. But again as the cliché goes no one is perfect, that’s why pencils have erasers which certainly we can minimize and correct something we’ve done wrong in life.

I may sound preachy but that’s how I see things. Mistakes and faults are both options so let’s not pick either. Ohh take note, beast is only for beast not for a beautiful and loving cat!

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Thank you 2010, Break a leg 2011!

Thanking is the best way for me to end the year of 2010. It was a tough year for me and my family. A lot of things happened which I judged and considered as storms but it turned out as great lessons for us to learn and go on. I realized that blessings do not only tally what you have received materially but it is how you appreciate every little thing that was given by the creator, God.

I thank Him for giving my family protection and shower us the gift of a well relationship with each other. Though this may not be a perfect welcoming of the New Year for us, still I’m hoping we will deal 2011 holding each other’s hands. I know we’ll be fine and I’m certain with it.

To my friends who have been part of my craziness, I thank you all for the wonderful companionship and memories which are already treasured. You’ve been with me when I had nothing and when I needed shoulders. Thanks for the superb advices when I was in doubt and distrust. I’m looking forward to have you still next year and years. I don’t have to be specific with you guys coz you know who you are.

To those that I judged, I’m sorry from the bottommost of my heart. Let those conflicts close and unlock a flap of amity. For those people who pierce bitterness, get lost!(kidding) seriously, forget and forgive; let time heals the cut.

Most importantly I thank God from all the opportunities that I have right now and in the future. My choices this year might not be a good one but I yearn to have the best this time. My New Year’s resolution? Be a better person who bestows a good realization of limitations with my wants. One thing is for sure here; I’ll be saying goodbye 2010 with a smile.

Anyway, if we did not have a good take last years, I truly wish that year of the rabbit will be a good start to all of us. Give the best shot this time. Rabbits have beautiful manners and they’re loving creatures’. Hope we can be rabbit people too! May we all have a prosperous new year!

Prospero Ano Nuevo!

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I love you but I hate you at the moment.

It’s been a long time that I am on this sense. You made me feel that I am unimproved and selfish son. I am uncertain if I am indeed or maybe just oblivious if ever I am. I would be stupid if I won’t admit that I have anger and displeasure from such disheartening words you have thrown. But the fact is, I am upset and offended. I may have a childish heart and low tears as my age, but I felt unused as your son.

I hate you because you’re not considering how it feels like to be pressured for such obligations. I hate you because I never heard a single thank you from the efforts I’ve done which you always consider as small things though all of it is from my sweats. I hate you for not saying sorry which technically you have to. I hate you because you are wise and always right. I hate you because you’re digging into my mind that I owe you my whole life since the day you brought me into life. I hate you because you are not listening whenever we have arguments and it’s always you that should only keep talking

I hate you because until now you don’t have trust in me. I hate you because you think I am insensitive and I do not have the right to be emotional. I hate you because you are not respecting my decisions. I hate you because you still treat me as your little boy and I always have to say yes.

I hate you because you make me feel guilty for treating you this way. I hate you because now you don’t call or text and it should be me to take the first move. I hate it because I feel being loved conditionally. I hate it because I know that I cannot give back all the hard works from my wants and needs you have given me. I hate you because you expect too much from me. Of all, I hate you because you made me feel that I am only your son who does not have the right to throw my sentiments over a mother.

I don’t hate you because you are my mother and you have given me everything when I was still dependent. But what I hate most is at the end of this, it will be you who will still be the triumph and I am a failure.

I'm sorry.

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