Experience, Regret and Change

I’ve been idle for a very long time and before this site of mine will become rotten I have to post this here in my on line diary…this is suppose to be my university diary and I think this will not be publish anymore because there are so many stories lining up. Note; please have patience reading this…
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College life is a part where great and enormous learning are expected. It enhances our skills from our school requirements and extra curricular activities. Besides as a college student, we are giving our best to have an excellent record in preparation in the future. While experience is the important factor in the walks of life because it will surely escort us to be mature enough. Experience is the best teacher as the saying goes.

From the very first day I stoop in college, “To graduate” is my first goal. Yes, to graduate on time. Having dedication to study hard and to graduate are always in my mind. Reason is I am the only hope of my parents after my sister failed to finish her course. I was confident and pressured with such case. Yet it pushes me to be responsible and superb with my studies. Overnights and going to far places for major subjects, studying and memorizing words for next day quizzes, I did all those. I even went to school early and be in my class before the teacher arrives and of course always raising my hand and talk a lot whenever there were oral recitations. With these, I considered myself as a good school boy. However human as we are, and as a college student we really pamper our self to relaxing stuff. Conversely, I reached the middle year of my four year course, wherein focus on studies loosened up.

Badly, I was sleeping late not because of learning from school which absences and late exists. I did projects somehow but minuses were there for it was very late. Therefore, I received lowest of the lowest performance in class. I was active strolling anywhere. I’ve been present in a movie house often and shopped at the mall as if I have retirement fund. And whenever I want and feel to be absent, then I won’t come to my class. False excuses were already bear and memorize in my mind and ready to be answered whenever someone asks for my absence.

As a result I dropped some subjects and failures were there. My parents did not know at all what I am doing. As far as they know, I was doing well. When semester ends, I chose class cards that have convincing grades and hide the underground ones. Yes I am stupid and a good liar to them. I asked for money, reasoning for projects though none. At the same time, my innocent parents even though nothing to give yet still find ways just to send for me.

Conscience is in my heart that time, but my brain continuously pushes me to do dishonest things. I had so many sleepless nights because conscience always knocked me. I did not tell my parents that I can’t graduate on time since the day I know, that I can’t. I pretended to them as well to my course mates. Whenever they asked, I just answered that hopefully there is no problem with the advising of subjects. But I know from the fact that I can’t really.

For having no option I lied again to my parents. I reasoned out that I was not allowed to over load my subjects reason that I can’t make it. But the truth is, I did not apply for graduation because I’m not qualified. From the moment I told them, they acted okay but I know from the fact that they were upset. Parents as they are, still their support until now is there, yet did not know the lies I performed.

My batch mates graduated ahead of me. I saw them wore toga during graduation. On the other hand, I was watching them with tears in my eyes having regrets and guilty in heart for being idle for years. The pain I felt that time made me realize that what happened to me was the result of my bad doings. I went home hurting and mad with myself. A flashback went on to my mind, asking “whys” and the “what ifs”. I

Regret is always in the end. This is the lesson that is primarily in to my mind. As I closes and open my eyes everyday, “to change” is the thought cheering up my mind. I took summer class to rush my years I wasted in college and hopefully this is now my last semester in this university.