In my own understanding reaching at the age of 20 is where one should start to be an independent. This is the age where a son/daughter should exchange all the sweats and bloods that parents have given, from the time we were born and to what we are now. I know that we cannot totally give back all the sacrifices that has done by our parents, but as practicality and in my own understanding 20 years is enough to be an independent one. And because I am in my 20 now I feel the attitude and mind of being one.

Since I mentioned things about being independent and its summer, I actually applied in one of the companies in the city here in Dumaguete the other week, to have a part-time job. I had all the exams and interviews. After my final interview, the interviewer said that they will just make a phone call if ever I passed.
Unfortunately and I assumed, three weeks of waiting for the call is I think a conclusion that I didn’t pass. That was the first time I applied for a job and it’s a failure. I am stupid if I would say that I’m okay. But having my time with my friends would let you feel better. I could also say that maybe I failed because I am still raw to that thing. Actually from the moment I applied, what comes into my mind is that it’s really hard to get a job and to be an independent.

In my case that supposedly I will graduate this march but unluckily I didn’t…Honestly I feel shy and uneasy about it. Shy especially to my parents where I failed to perform their expectations. I know that they felt bad even though they may act fine every time we talk. This year is supposed to be my last year in college and it is expected that my parents would rest from sending allowance, payments for lodging, and so on. At the same time I also feel uneasy in facing my neighbors which I’m pretty sure that they all had their back fights and humiliations to me--neighbors are really the traitor/contrabidas in my true to life block buster story. Sigh

Back to my job thingy--From the time I failed to get the job where I applied, I learned that being independent is really hard. I may be just tried once but for me it’s enough and I think the job is not for me. God has always the reason why you cannot be in the thing you wish, right? So let it be.

But I would somehow thankful that I didn’t graduate because it would be a double pressure to me. I realize that maybe I’m not yet ready for a job and to the real world. I still have to be ripe like fruit, so that the moment I become ripe, whoever wants to get me as theirs, it would be easier. Schooling is still in my mind really.

As for now, I am extending my stay in the city together with my student pub family. I sleep and wake up as long as I want to, eat as many as I can and as long as I have money to buy some, movie marathon, and of course checking all my accounts as well my friend’s accounts in the net. It’s a little boring but I think these are the things that I can relax my mind to such frustrations.

Ahmmmm…supposedly I am already at home the time when our classes ended, and it ended three weeks ago already. I don’t know why I am still here in the city though; I know that I don’t have any important thing to do. The last time I went home was January and I guess I am omitted at home very long, basing to any ordinary student. Of course I do miss my family if you may ask so, but there is such thing that is banging into my mind still and wanting me not to go home yet.

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I don’t know how to start my come back post since there are a lot of things that pop in to my mind still. Am I going to post emotional things that I had or happy memories? Actually I had my last post three months ago- after that month I was nowhere or shall I say lost. Being not in myself from those months have been root to unenthusiastically and irresponsible doings.

I’ve been the worst kind of student which sleeps late and wake up not on time that cause absence in class, a writer in the student publication which was under probation because of not passing articles for how many months, and a kind of son that demanded and lying to parents, asking for allowance just for personal luxuries. I think all the bad adjectives would really fit to me from those times.

Honestly I consent myself to go into bad things which results to worst. I can’t also say that I was drowned to the ocean of problems. Maybe I was just so stupid with having lame excuses for any situations I had. I became a person who actually did things that personally knew on what would be the results of it. In other words, I was a person who intended to have a problem just to have one. I’m really stupid right? Sometimes I don’t understand myself really or maybe I have to get old first to know myself better.

But as I was saying I don’t know how to start this post but I think as I go on, it led to kadramahan again, sigh. I think sometimes being emotional is really good to let things go back to better.
As I said, I was a candidate for termination but those period of time I realized that being in the student publication is really a great privilege in my course and since this is where my college life rounded. Aside from it, those ideas are not the only thing that I run into, instead afraid of losing wonderful people that I considered my second family---my TN Family.

Luckily, in behalf of being a stupid and irresponsible one, I was again given the chance to go back to myself and prove that being irresponsible then can be change. Those people who helped me by their good and encouraging words are my friends and my TN family. Though some of them will go one of these days, I know that they did those things to me for my own advantage. In the end, I learned that being nowhere or lost would only lead you to worst.

I’m not also saying that this time I will be as good as an angel, but as far as I could, I will.

About the picture in this blog, I choose it since that is the latest picture I have and I think it would be a pampabuenas with this come back post of mine.

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