Trying to be Independent

In my own understanding reaching at the age of 20 is where one should start to be an independent. This is the age where a son/daughter should exchange all the sweats and bloods that parents have given, from the time we were born and to what we are now. I know that we cannot totally give back all the sacrifices that has done by our parents, but as practicality and in my own understanding 20 years is enough to be an independent one. And because I am in my 20 now I feel the attitude and mind of being one.

Since I mentioned things about being independent and its summer, I actually applied in one of the companies in the city here in Dumaguete the other week, to have a part-time job. I had all the exams and interviews. After my final interview, the interviewer said that they will just make a phone call if ever I passed.
Unfortunately and I assumed, three weeks of waiting for the call is I think a conclusion that I didn’t pass. That was the first time I applied for a job and it’s a failure. I am stupid if I would say that I’m okay. But having my time with my friends would let you feel better. I could also say that maybe I failed because I am still raw to that thing. Actually from the moment I applied, what comes into my mind is that it’s really hard to get a job and to be an independent.

In my case that supposedly I will graduate this march but unluckily I didn’t…Honestly I feel shy and uneasy about it. Shy especially to my parents where I failed to perform their expectations. I know that they felt bad even though they may act fine every time we talk. This year is supposed to be my last year in college and it is expected that my parents would rest from sending allowance, payments for lodging, and so on. At the same time I also feel uneasy in facing my neighbors which I’m pretty sure that they all had their back fights and humiliations to me--neighbors are really the traitor/contrabidas in my true to life block buster story. Sigh

Back to my job thingy--From the time I failed to get the job where I applied, I learned that being independent is really hard. I may be just tried once but for me it’s enough and I think the job is not for me. God has always the reason why you cannot be in the thing you wish, right? So let it be.

But I would somehow thankful that I didn’t graduate because it would be a double pressure to me. I realize that maybe I’m not yet ready for a job and to the real world. I still have to be ripe like fruit, so that the moment I become ripe, whoever wants to get me as theirs, it would be easier. Schooling is still in my mind really.

As for now, I am extending my stay in the city together with my student pub family. I sleep and wake up as long as I want to, eat as many as I can and as long as I have money to buy some, movie marathon, and of course checking all my accounts as well my friend’s accounts in the net. It’s a little boring but I think these are the things that I can relax my mind to such frustrations.

Ahmmmm…supposedly I am already at home the time when our classes ended, and it ended three weeks ago already. I don’t know why I am still here in the city though; I know that I don’t have any important thing to do. The last time I went home was January and I guess I am omitted at home very long, basing to any ordinary student. Of course I do miss my family if you may ask so, but there is such thing that is banging into my mind still and wanting me not to go home yet.